Here we go

This being my first shot at writing something, I make no promises that the stuff I write in here will be readable. One does have many random thoughts and feelings that a person would like to express. But when those thoughts need to be penned into words, there is an immense unnerving silence.

I want to write because I want to be able to think more clearly. Somehow I think writing will put the things in right perspective. I strive to put the right words to what I feel. I see it simply as an endeavor to make my mind less cluttered, reduce my confusions. I attempt to reconnect with my spirit so I could listen to my mind and comprehend what I want out of life. Sometimes this noise in my head makes it hard to grasp what I am feeling - what I think. It’s an insatiable thirst to become a better person which motivates me to share my feelings with other people.

Somehow I feel liberated and light after sharing my views - after venting out my feelings. And since I think other people’s perspective would come in handy, people who can take time to read and analyze whatever I write down in here and help me make a better sense of what I am and what I want to be - suggest something which might help me become a more well-rounded person.

If I’m confusing you, I’d like to state that it’s just my muddled mind making it difficult for me to reflect in a methodical way.

An Unfinished Song

With enough courage, determination, and conviction a man will achieve whatever he wants to achieve. Thoughts shape the man. The success eludes us because we have got the priorities in our life all wrong. There is a disconnect with our heart. We have stopped listening to our soul. As a result my mind is restless, my opinions incoherent. I am lost in haze of confusion. But only I can find my way back. Only I can rediscover my inner self. Others can show the way but I am the one who has to walk the path. So all responsibilities lies with me. It was my destiny that brings me where I am. Accepting Responsibility for my actions is I think the first step in improving me as a person. But the root of the problem is that I babble a lot but fail while applying. I talk a lot but I never f*&^%$# do what is expected of me even by myself. Somehow I don’t know how to do it. I make a lot of excuses. I have lost the drive to succeed, the will to excel. I need to find my enthusiasm and fight the demons in my mind that are stopping me from achieving victory. I need to rekindle the spark in me. But somehow I fail to understand how to go about it. I don’t seem to garner enough courage of character to work for my goals. I am a terrible procrastinator and somehow feel weak to break the strands of complacency. Combine that with a deep self pity and an incurable cribber and you get a loser. An unfinished dream. A vision lost in midst of harsh realities. A mind unable to come to terms of the realities with no knack to adapt and evolve.

There were times when I felt helpless - when everything seems out of order. Odds seemed to be insurmountable. When the situations were proving too much to handle and demands seemed too impractical. At those moments I couldn’t curb my urge to quit and gave up in those weak moments. Had I been stronger, I would’ve shown willingness to remove frustration and transcend the self doubts to emerge stronger out of crisis. I would be able to march forward towards the glory.From now on I’ll just remind myself of agony and heartache I felt as a loser. The frustration I get as an underachiever - The dread and pain of living with an unsung song in my heart. From now on I’m going to change the way I think. People have had succeed and achieved a lot more with much less. I was so busy counting other people’s blessings and my shortcomings that I almost forgot to put in an effort. I forgot that success needed work and toil. You needed to slog and strive for your aim. I was ruing so much for the lost ground that I forgot that it will increase if I don’t make an effort to make up for it right now.You see, we, the pampered ones who have not had to work for the basic necessities in life, – who have been provided everything on platter - are more susceptible to give up because we are too smug to worry about consequences. We are accustomed to a certain way of life and have nothing at stake. We have had food on our table every single day. We have had good clothes to wear, parents to fall back on – but we curse every one of them. We are not appreciating what we have. We have become thankless and ungracious. Somehow the priorities of existence have changed.

The desire to win, the yearning for excellence, the longing for success is not that high. I mean let’s face it; the stakes are not that high for people like us. That’s why we are not working as hard as we can and should. We are mentally not tough enough. We don’t have that burning heart. That eye of the tiger. And at the root of every great success is hunger of glory.

From now on I will be striving to get back that fire in my belly.